Do you always feel like there is some kind of hole inside of your spirit? And that, no matter what you do, it always seems to remain? I know I do. Upon closer inspection, it boils down to what I can only describe as “something UNKNOWN.” If you’re like me, it’s this sense of “not knowing” that gnaws at us as we move through the journey of Life. We often approach it with fear or try to ignore it – stamp it out with materialism and other “accomplishments” or “addictions.” Because we perceive it as a great “unknown,” it solicits our distrust, and thrusts us to maneuver our thoughts in such as a way as to always play the “worst case scenario.” It makes us feel unprepared (whether this is true or not), and it is in that sense of vulnerability that we play with the concept of disaster.
I sat with this for a while in meditation to study it. What bubbled up into my awareness not only stunned me, but actually brought me some much-needed clarity on the matter. Perhaps we need to view this “unknown” differently. This dark spot within our consciousness may not be the black hole for which we do our best to run away from, but rather it is really the pool of our creative source and should much rather be embraced. I propose that this massive unease we harbor about this “blind spot” is not something to dread because it is not really “unknown,” but rather it is “undeveloped.”
It is the fountain of creation within us.
Because it is “undeveloped” it does not exist within our consciousness as something with clarity – sharp defined edges filled out with definite tone and shades of life. How could it be? Once you have that data, it is no longer “undeveloped.”
This undeveloped well of creation we co-exist with is the deep pool of all potentiality. Yet we are afraid of it because it doesn’t have the concrete forms we are so used to having in order to understand our world. Nonetheless, this fuzzy and undefined void is absolutely necessary for the purpose of development. It allows for change, and thus growth, to happen. If everything was already defined, there would be no personal or collective evolution of any kind; we’d all be confined to already understood patterns of existence. I’d posit, that without this “undeveloped well” – the pool of creativity – we never would have stepped out of the Stone Age.
We must come to embrace this fuzzed out well of non-definition we walk with every moment of our day, for indeed, we have a relationship with it. Whether it’s a relationship of denial and obstruction, or one of acceptance and working within it – we behave and act in rapport to our current perspective of it.
When we can start to shift from perceiving this gaping “elephant in the room” (or rather in our consciousness), from “unknown” to simply “undeveloped,” it gives us a new way to approach our mental and emotional standpoint with it. The fuzziness that we struggle with – the non-definition of not knowing what is ahead or not knowing the real depth of our beingness, of who and what we are – is because we are always in a creative state of growth and change, the very development that this well provides. Instead of reacting to it with fear, it could be perceived as a wonderful gift -- a Christmas present that is nebulous because it is waiting for you to give it some direction in terms of what it might become. And even then, once it has become something, a part of it will continue to remain nebulous because it needs all those components for what the next “thing of creation” will be.
This “undeveloped” portion is akin to a block of clay, fresh out of the ground. It is without shape and without form. It requires your interaction and OBSERVATION for it to at least move in some kind of direction. So you work with it … You DEVELOP it … And through your interaction with it create objects and events that you encounter. However, the clay will always have certain undeveloped characteristics, so you can never stop creating. There aren’t any events or possibilities that cannot be experienced, because the “well of creativity” has no definition – thus no limits. You are working from an endless well of “undevelopment” and pulling out “development,” yet without draining that pool of any of its power, presence, and other possibilities.
Perhaps it is this which can sometimes frighten us. Since we are intuitively aware of this “unknown” and its subsequent “undevelopment,” the potentials may also be perceived as “greater than I can currently handle.” That is, if such potentials were to suddenly take on shape and form, forcing us to face them and react (We don’t really consider that part of the equation). This is where the misunderstanding comes in. YOU are working with it. You are using it to develop experiences. It doesn’t have a mind of its own; it requires the relationship with you. In other words, you define the development in terms of how you work with this well of undefined creation, how you approach it, engage with it; therefore, what you encounter in terms of form and definition does not spring forth without some input from you.
When we start to look at this unknown within us as representing a well of undefined possibilities that we work with to develop experience, it forces us to acknowledge that we really do have a role to play. That we are a type of creator. Our minds (and thus hands of consciousness) are always there, dipping in and pulling out. Thus, we are not simply bystanders forced to react at things that come at us, but rather we participate with reality so that it works in terms of our growth and evolution.
But we must be compassionate toward ourselves. “Development” of anything worthwhile takes time. We have to “work out the kinks” – which means there will be times of challenge, seeming obstacles, and horrible let-downs, in total contrast to our intentions. However, don’t let those deter you. You are still at the well and it is still allowing you to work with it. The process of development – true personal development – doesn’t have an endpoint. Though you might reach certain goals or milestones (“I accomplished this or that”), you will still be creating new and different experiences, continuing to develop the self through this process – with that huge UNDEFINED WELL as your companion in the process. For all eternity (consider that).
That hole which represents an unknown reality will always be with you, because it is from it that definition must be granted to take form.